IWSG: The Post-NaNo blues

It’s time for another group posting of the Insecure Writer’s Support Group! Time to release our fears to the world – or offer encouragement to those who are feeling neurotic. If you’d like to join us, click on the link and sign up. We post the first Wednesday of every month. I encourage everyone to visit at least a dozen new blogs and leave a comment. Your words might be the encouragement someone needs.

I just finished NaNoWriMo... wrote 50,000 words in 30 days. You'd think that would make me proud and happy. And it does, on one level. But my insecurity comes from the knowledge that I have SO much revision work to do to even make those 50,000 words legible! I'm standing at the bottom of Revision Mountain and the climb up looks pretty daunting.

I'm going to put it away for a little while and see how I feel about it after that.

Not to mention I don't know what to do with myself now. I love the NaNo community, but it's so fleeting. 30 days fly by when you have a common purpose with so many others. I already miss all my NaNo friends.

Did any of you do NaNo this year? How did you do?

Insecure Writers Support Group: NaNoWriMo post

Hi everyone! It's that time again, time for Insecure Writers Support Group. If you don't know what IWSG is, please pop on over to this link for an explanation, and when you realize it's the one thing you've been missing in your writing life, JOIN US!!

So in case anyone is keeping score, I've started off with a bang for NaNoWriMo this year. Killing it! Woot! Of course, it's only day five. And that's why I'm so eager to crush my word count now...because I'm afraid of the slump...the point at which I lose steam, run out of ideas, and let the whole thing fall to pieces.

I'm a pantster by nature. I can't help it. I tried outlining the Camp NaNo project I worked on this summer and it jumped right off the map and made its own direction...and then it fell to pieces. Again.

All these false starts are starting to give me heartburn! I want to finish something, but I keep losing steam and moving on to the next thing, with only the barest sliver of hope that I'll ever return to revise/add to/complete a project.

This current novel has no point at all so far, other than documenting daily life of the main character. I'm waiting to see if something exciting happens, that I can then doctor up in revisions, and hoping that we make it that far.

Anyone else out there doing NaNo this time around?

Insecure Writer's Support Group: Just Write

If you've never heard of Insecure Writer's Support Group, you're in for a treat! Head on over to the IWSG website, created by the awesome Alex Cavanaugh, and sign up to be part of this amazing network of writers. Then on the first Wednesday of every month, post your insecurities on your blog. It seems counter-intuitive, I know. But instead of being tarred and feathered for being insecure, you'll find you're uplifted and encouraged by others who are in the same boat as you, or who have been there before and can show you the treasure map so you can make your way through to the other side.

This month's post is my submission for the IWSG Guide to Publishing and Beyond, for the category "Writing".

You know, I've been working on this insecurity for a while now, this idea that there are no set "rules" for how to be a writer. You just...write. But that doesn't mean you write every day, always, although maybe you do...It means just what it says: You just write. It doesn't mean that you have books published, or an agent, or that you're in the process of querying everyone in the publishing industry. You just write.

So much of our insecure writers’ lives are spent seeking validation from other people, people we deem to know more about the business of writing than we do. We give them the power to tell us whether our ideas are any good, whether our plots are properly executed, whether we’re allowed to take up space at the next writer’s conference if we don’t know what a query is…when really, what we want them to do is tell us that we belong to this magical group: Writers! And, sadly, there will always be someone who wants to keep other people out, because they’re just as insecure as we are that there won’t be room for them in that group if they let us in.

The truth is, though, that we are the ones with the power to tell our stories. We decide what is good. And by the very act of writing we declare to the world that we belong.

Do you have an outline? Just write. Do you have a first draft? Just write. Do you have five published novels and a contract on a new series? Just write. Do you have the tiniest baby of an idea percolating in your mind? Just write! Write it down. Then guess what? You're a writer!

Elisabeth Kauffman is a freelance editor of fiction and you can find her on the web at www.writingrefinery.com.

(I give the IWSG Anthology permission to reprint this blog post for their publication "The Insecure Writer's Support Group Guide to Publishing and Beyond)

IWSG: Brainstorming my novel

It's time for Insecure Writer's Support Group, the most amazing bloghop you'll ever participate in as a writer. If you need to air your insecurities and find others who share them with you or have amazing, encouraging advice, then you NEED this group. So hop on over to Alex Cavanaugh's blog to learn more and sign up.

I got stuck. I was working on a project for Camp NaNo in July...one that I had half an outline for...and when I got through to the place where my outline ended, I sputtered to a stop. I'm usually a pantster, so this road-block was unprecedented. I spent a few bewildered days trying to get started again, worrying that I wasn't writing anything...

Then I had an idea. What if I spent a few nights brainstorming my novel? So I grabbed my colored sharpies and some blank paper and started scribbling. I wrote down things I already knew, things I'd already written about, and then found a few of the things I didn't know yet. And those led to things I hadn't written yet, but that I knew I wanted to. It was a GREAT experience...and a good reminder that not all Writing is about word count.

I haven't added any more recently to my manuscript, and probably another brainstorming session is due. But I'm looking forward to that now.

Insecure Writer's Support Group: Spending time on something you love

It's time again! Time for Insecure Writer's Support Group, the most awesome group out there on the interwebs, if I must say. You can find the linky list to sign up for IWSG here, and if you're a writer you should DEFINITELY sign up. Giving and receiving monthly encouragement from others in the trenches of writing, creating, publishing, rejection, acceptance--the entire roller coaster that is the life of a writer--you don't want to miss out!

My insecurity this month comes from the list of "shoulds" that hovers around me whenever I sit down to do something like writing (or painting, which I also enjoy). I find myself blocking up and not being able to access my creative muse because all I can see is the pile of dishes in the sink, or the giant tumbleweeds of dust bunnies chasing my cats around the house, or the dwindling bank account sending out an S.O.S. for more freelance editing clients.

Some days it doesn't matter. Some days the muse is prodding me so hard that I have no choice but to write (or paint). And I have a few different lines I use to combat the list of "shoulds", but mostly I just want to go hide under my desk, and then I don't get ANYTHING done, not even anything from the list of "shoulds"!

What do you use to fight back and claim your writing/creative time?

IWSG: Camp NaNo edition

Hi everyone! It's time for Insecure Writer's Support Group, hosted by Alex Cavanaugh. Anyone can join, so hop on over to the IWSG page for more information and sign up! You won't regret it. Support, encouragement, we all need that, right?

So I don't really have any complaints this week. Which... is huge... usually there's something nagging at me. But I'm letting it all slide off my back right now because it's July, which means it's time for Camp NaNo!

I've been participating in NaNoWriMo for a few years now, and I have to say I always thought those "Camp" kids were kinda crazy. Why in the world would you need/want to do it again in the middle of the year?

Well, I've been bitten by the Camp NaNoWriMo bug, y'all. I had a good idea and a challenge from my podcasting co-host Merianna, and here I am getting ready for Day 2! (Oh, there's an insecurity... have I ever mentioned on here that I podcast weekly about publishing and writing? Check us out: ThinkingOutLoud)

But I'm no newbie, not anymore. I have an outline, a character sheet, and WriteOrDie to get me to my MODEST goal of 30,000 for the month. Not pushing it, just enjoying it... taking the story from start to finish and leaving the rest for revisions.

And we'll leave the insecurities to the revision process.
How is everyone else this month? Did anyone else even consider Camp NaNo this year, or was that just me?

Insecure Writer's Support Group: Only you can know

Hi! It's time for the Insecure Writer's Support Group, created by Alex Cavanaugh. Seems to be the only blog post I can be reliably certain of writing. Well, that's ok. If you're an insecure writer, like me, and you're dying to find a group that will boost your spirits, this is your lucky day! Hop on over to Alex's blog and sign up, then start posting! We're happy to include you.

Feedback. Reassurance. That's what this group is all about.

Positive feedback is awesome. So is the reassurance that you're good at this... that someone wants to hear your story. That someone else cares the way you do about your characters.

But a lot of times you don't get that kind of encouragement until you're near the end of the project. So what do you do while you're in the middle? In the throes of stress and anxiety, wondering whether you're just a hack who can't even cobble together a basic paragraph...?

Me, I do a lot of avoiding, of hiding from my work and finding anything else to do to make me feel successful, confident, better about myself. On the one hand, that works, because I don't have to feel those horrible crushing feelings that the fear of failure causes in me. But on the other hand... there's still this novel sitting there... waiting to be written. Waiting for me to return to it.

At some point you have to make a decision. You can do this. It's your story. You have to tell it. Is it worth it in the end to go through the pain of self-doubt, to struggle with the fear of inadequacy? Only you can know. Only you can say. Your characters, your story... it's yours. And even if you find that the feedback is less than positive and the reassurance is thin at best, you're the only one who can tell it.

IWSG: It's never enough

If you've never heard of the Insecure Writer's Support Group, you should check out this great community of writers here! Join and share your insecurities and encouragement with others on the same journey. The amazing Alex Cavanaugh started it all.

I get bogged down, find myself stuck inside my own head trying to convince myself I'm not a writer, or that I'm no good at it so I just shouldn't do it... If I was a writer I'd HAVE to write every day and I don't... or at least I convince myself not to... so I must not be a writer, right?

It's so easy to think of all the reasons that I might not be doing enough, or capable enough to follow my dreams, to succeed as a writer or as a freelance editor.

Well, this week, the fabulous Anne Rice wrote ... almost directly to my insecurities via her Facebook page. Thanks Ms. Rice.

Anne Rice

I've often said there are no rules for writers. Let me share the WORST AND MOST HARMFUL ADVICE I was ever given by others. 1) Write what you know. 2)You'll have to polish every sentence you write three or four times. 3)Genius is one tenth talent and nine tenths hard work and 4) You're not a real writer if you don't write every day. --- ALL OF THAT WAS HARMFUL TO ME. ALL OF IT. IT HURT AND IT SET ME BACK. ----- So I say again, there are no rules. It's amazing how willing people are to tell you that you aren't a real writer unless you conform to their cliches and their rules. My advice? Reject rules and critics out of hand. Define yourself. Do it your way. Make yourself the writer of your dreams. Protect your voice, your vision, your characters, your story, your imagination, your dreams.

IWSG: Finding courage in the midst of failure

It's not easy to fail repeatedly. It's not possible to fail repeatedly if you only try once and let your failure keep you from ever trying again.

I'm having a frustrating experience this week. I used to have a hobby aquarium... 4 years ago before all of my life got put on hold and we moved to Connecticut (I call those the Dark Years, that time in Connecticut...). When I had my aquarium(s) I kept angelfish. They were beautiful and so happy in my tanks that I had two mated pairs and produced a LOT of angelfish fry to trade back to my LFS (Local Fish Store). One might say that for a hobbyist, I was an expert.

So now that we've been back in California for 6 months, I decided to fill up my aquarium again. I spent a month preparing, cycling my tank, doing water tests and changes as needed to get things just right. Then I brought home three BEAUTIFUL little angels to live in my tank happily together.

That was Friday. Today is Wednesday and I am down to one. That's right. TWO of those angels have died in the past five days. I'm mystified. The LFS owner is mystified. I'm crushed and disappointed, too... and doubting my skill/experience. How could this happen??

I find that writing is a lot like fish keeping. There's a fragile, almost mystical balance we're all looking for. When it's good, we find that place where our characters thrive, where our agents think we're brilliant, where our novels touch lives and inspire others to write as well. And when it's bad... woe is us! We might as well give it up!

I'm in that bad place right now... both in writing and in fish keeping... and I keep reminding myself that only by making mistakes can I learn and grow... and that even though the disappointment of not getting it right is physically painful and emotionally crushing... trying again and getting it right is worth the effort. In the matter of fish keeping, I've been there before. In the matter of writing, I am trusting the experience of others.

Does anyone else out there feel this way?

Insecure Writer's Support Group: Die Vampire!

Totally ripping this off of the Bloggess today, but it was just too appropriate(ly inappropriate), not to share with you this morning. "You have a story to tell! Pull your novel out of that sock drawer!... Die Vampire Die!"
Thank you for reading this week's edition of the Insecure Writer's Support Group, a monthly group hosted by the ever amazing and talented Alex Cavanaugh. Anyone can join in any time, so please hop over to his blog and sign up! You won't regret it.

Insecure Writer's Support Group: Trying something new

This is Insecure Writer's Support Group, a monthly group hosted by the ever amazing and talented Alex Cavanaugh. Anyone can join in any time, so please hop over to his blog and sign up! You won't regret it.

It is SOOOO easy to get stuck in a rut, but in your writing and in your life how many times do you fall back to the same old thing because it's safe, comfortable, and you know it well? I have this problem a lot... mostly with my life, a little less so with my writing.

Recently, I've felt like my inspiration for characters and plots has been dragging... that I keep rewriting the same thing and I DON'T LIKE IT! I want to write something new for me, something exciting and motivating, something with zest.

So what I've decided to do is try new things in my real life... new activities that get me out of my house and meeting new people, stretching my comfort zone, and honing some skills that are NOT directly related to writing. I'm hoping that these activities will spark my imagination again.

I signed up for a portrait drawing class, found a knitting circle to attend, and scheduled time to attend a student composers concert, all to give my brain and my social skills some exercise. Um... except I'm so intimidated by trying new things! What if I'm not very good at them? What if the people don't like me? Wouldn't it be so much easier just to try these things from the comfort of my own home?

I'm not letting myself cringe and cower, though. I'm going to dive out there, try something new, and maybe fall flat on my face. Who knows? Who cares, though? My characters will never have any real depth if I don't have the courage to try something and risk failing at it as well.

How good are you at trying something new?

Insecure Writers' Support Group

It's that time again! It's the first Wednesday in March. That means it's time for Insecure Writer's Support Group, hosted by Alex Cavanaugh. Anyone can join, so hop on over to the IWSG page for more information and sign up!

So "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry," said Robert Burns. I had lofty schemes of finishing a NaNo novel this year, and after the first week I dropped the ball. Well, but that's not exactly true... it's just that a daily word count became less important than some of the other things that November threw at me.

I always feel guilty for setting my writing aside, but then I try to remind myself that a well balanced life is my goal. Because, in all honesty, it is. I want to enjoy my life and feel like the things I pursue are enhancing it, instead of eroding it. Do any of you find that problem with balance?

On that note, I'm off for pastry and time with some out-of-town friends.

Insecure Writer's Support Group!

Hi everyone! It's the first Wednesday in October. That means it's time for Insecure Writer's Support Group, hosted by ninja captain, Alex Cavanaugh. Anyone can join, so hop on over to the IWSG page and sign up!

My first post in this group for a while. I apologize for my absence. I was... deep under the tidal wave of real life called "Moving Across Country." I think, maybe, that I've figured out how to tread water in my daily life again instead of drowning the way that I have been for the past few months. Ha! And I'm trying to prove it to myself by writing this post out early and scheduling it for the correct day. Because, honestly, I don't want to miss it! Being part of your collective support and feeling supported by IWSG has been such an important part of my growth as a writer over the past couple of years. I appreciate it. VERY MUCH.

So, as it always happens after I've signed up for NaNo, I'm suddenly busy with a trillion things to do! I have three manuscripts to edit, a friend coming from out of town to stay for a while, lots of Doctor Who to watch before the 50th anniversary ep airs on November 23rd (I'm going to see it in 3D on the 25th), more to do at the horse barn... it's just a massive pile of everything good. And I'm grateful for that... that it's all good things... it's just...

Why is it that when I commit to do something like NaNo I get an avalanche of everything else that I want or need to do? Is it the Universe messing with me?

Does this happen to anyone else?

Let's hope by the time you read this that I'm seven- or eight-thousand words further along on my manuscript. That's what NaNo is for, and I'd like to think I have the resolve to get there. Fingers crossed... or not, because I need them for typing.

Happy writing, NaNoing, or whatever adventures in make-believe and magic you are having in your creative life today.

IWSG: Taking the leap

Hey!!! It's the first Wednesday of the month and I'm actually prepared enough to offer up my piece of the Insecure Writer's Support Group today. Woohoo! Thanks to the amazing Alex Cavanaugh for launching this group that has been such a great... well... support to writers like me who need to be able to talk about our fears and know that someone out there hears us and that maybe they know what we're going through, too. You should really join us. You'll never regret it.

What I want to talk about today isn't necessarily something that's strictly related to writing... but it's something that I'm going through right now and I needed to share.

If you didn't know yet, my husband's job is being outsourced at the end of this month. That's a good thing, believe it or not. N has been struggling with stress and frustration over his career for years now, and most acutely in the past three years. It's time for a change, time for us both to leap out into the great unknown and let our dreams of what we've always wanted to do take flight.

We've known this change was coming for months now, so we've had time to strategize and prepare. That doesn't mean we're ready, though. As the moment of truth draws nearer, we lean forward and look over the edge of the Cliff of Doing What You Dream. That's a pretty steep drop! Our hearts flutter a little more anxiously with each passing day. Soon, we're going to be faced with the decision. Do we really jump and risk the possibility of failure (or wild success)? Or do we do the safe thing and go back to occupations that we hate, but that we know will meet our budget each month?

The best thing, and an important piece for those who wish to experiment with flying, is that we are moving back to California, to a place where we have a support network, people to encourage us along the way. Talking through your fears and frustrations makes them easier to overcome. It's one of the reasons I love the IWSG. Supporters help lessen the impact when you fail... and give you the courage you need to try again. Thanks!

I hope that we'll at least push ourselves over the edge and see what we're capable of. We have a safety net, if we need it... but we'll never know if we can fly if we don't take the leap.

Insecure Writer's Support Group: Stage fright, anyone?

Thanks to the ninja awesomeness of
Alex J. Cavanaugh for hosting this group for people like me.

Hey! I haven't done this in a while... it's not that I haven't had insecurities, it's just that... blogging took on a different shape and color for me for a while. And I think it still has that new shape and color, but I have something to share today and it's the right day for IWSG, so I'm going to take advantage of the alignment!

I wrote a short story. It was part of the www.7daystory.com challenge. You write a story in 7 days, going through all the revision stages, until on day 7 you release it, submit it to appropriate places for possible publication.

It's just a cheesy little story though... at least that's what I keep saying to myself. Who would ever want to publish this cheesy little thing? I should just file it away and never show it to anyone besides my husband and Lori, both who thought it was sweet.

So that's my insecurity. I have this paralyzing inability to face "judgement" (I guess in the writing world we call it criticism). I'm afraid of rejection, of the possibility of failure... so much so that I just haven't even bothered to look for places that I might be able to submit a little story like mine. I'm not even looking for actual feedback from people who might be able to help me make my story's ending pop a little more (which is what I think the main problem with it is at present). Nope, instead I'm freezing up and filing it away and doing nothing.

Sigh.

You can sign up for Insecure Writer's Support Group and take advantage of the awesome support in this writerly/bloggerly community, too. Do it! You'll never regret it! And thanks in advance for the support!

IWSG: Navel-gazing it is

Hi everyone! It's the first Wednesday in March. That means it's time for Insecure Writer's Support Group, hosted by Alex Cavanaugh. Anyone can join, so hop on over to the IWSG page for more information and sign up!

I've been having one of those weeks.... I have work to keep me busy and more editing inquiries coming in. My back doesn't hurt so I've been able to get the house cleaned (relatively) and spend time being active with the dog. It's been a week since I sent the NNK off to her new home.

And somehow I feel so far behind the bar that I wonder how I can even show my (dirty, animal hair covered) face in public.

Sigh... apparently I'm not allowed to be imperfect, says my internal editor. She's (I'm) so afraid of rejection that I've painted myself into a convenient corner that keeps me immobile. The problem is, there's no rejection to be afraid of! Everything is going well! Sigh...

Anyone have any creative writing exercises that can help shake off a serious funk? I feel like I need to write two characters, one who always succeeds and one who always fails, and then put them in each other's shoes for a week... and try to work out some of this hesitation on the page.

What do you do to get yourself over the weeks (or months, or years) of feeling utterly inadequate and insignificant and scared of rejections that don't exist?

Can I get past the first page?

Seriously, though?

I'm awesome at editing for other people. I dive right in and get to the core issues almost immediately... I can do a manuscript in 2 weeks, even!

But when it comes to my own writing, I freeze. I am trying to do a rewrite of Lilith, my NaNoWriMo novel from 2011... but I can't seem to get past the first page yet...

I was hoping a year would have been sufficient distance from the 'script so that I could look at it more objectively, but alas.

Well... I AM going to get past the first page. I CAN! I WILL... and it will be amazing.

Insecure Writer's Support Group is hosted by Alex Cavanaugh. You can feel free to sign up and join us on the first Wednesday of every month. It's a great way to meet other writers who can help you through the bumps in the road to publication.

IWSG: Finishing a project

It's still Wednesday, right? Ha!

This is Insecure Writer's Support Group, a monthly group hosted by the ever amazing and talented Alex Cavanaugh. Anyone can join in any time, so please hop over to his blog and sign up! You won't regret it.

I'm totally jammin' out to old school hip hop right now... getting back to my roots... which is completely ridiculous, because I'm Scotch-Irish. Hip hop exists nowhere in my background. But I love it.

False starts. That's what I'm insecure about. Everyone has projects that they start and can't complete, for whatever reasons... but after a certain point it starts to add up. I have so many unfinished projects it's scary. And I'm starting to worry that I'll never finish anything! I suppose everyone's process is different... and perhaps it's that I haven't hit on just the right thing yet but... at what point do you just have to put your nose to the grindstone and finish something?

Does anyone else lose interest in what you're working on like that?

I have to wonder if it says something about my character or if it's an issue with the character of my writing, or the characters that I am writing... that I can barely complete something without tossing it in the trash and turning to something new. Margo Berendsen was talking about endings and beginnings and what is the hardest part of the process for her... for me it's definitely endings, because I have to force myself to commit long enough to get there!

I love starting things. The excitement of a new idea electrifies me! If only I could recapture the romance to bring my stories to the conclusions they deserve.

IWSG! To be or not to be...

Hi everyone! It's the first Wednesday in October. That means it's time for Insecure Writer's Support Group, hosted by ninja captain, Alex Cavanaugh. Anyone can join, so hop on over to the IWSG page and sign up!

This week I wanted to talk a bit more about self-doubt. It's at the root of the majority of insecurities we writers feel. At least, I think it is. :)

Recently, I've been shooting for boldness and calling myself a writer, an editor, an artist in public. (I know, egads!) And people believe me! Which... is what I want for them to do. Because it's true! But... it's been a little disconcerting... not hiding it anymore.

I always kept it to myself, this writing, editing, and art, because I never felt like those identities were true about myself even though I write, edit, and create art daily. I still have this self-talk that says "You're a hack and no one will ever believe you can do what you say you can do." But... I'm choosing not to believe that voice anymore.

It is thrilling, finally allowing myself to believe in me. I find that I'm a lot less blocked creatively. I'm taking more personal risks, enjoying myself more, having more productive days. Still... it leaves me feeling a little insecure these days... Ironic when confidence makes you insecure, eh? I take it a day at a time. I'm not sure what I'll do when I run up against failure again. Hopefully I will not crumple as quickly this time.

I think this IWSG has been a big contributor in raising my confidence in myself. So... thank you, everyone! I'm sure I'll be back here next month with a black cloud of doubt again.

Does anyone else have any trouble with identity this way?

IWSG! Self-doubt

I don't think I could be more clear in my choice of topic today for Insecure Writer's Support Group (thanks Alex Cavanaugh for hosting).

Trouble is, expressing it... self-doubt... is not as easy as it sounds. It creeps in for me in more places than just in my writing... I find myself leaving projects undone because I feel that no one will care but me, that my creation is amateur, juvenile, worthless.

And then I remember the Artist's Way, a book given to me by my awesome Uncle Pat (everyone should have an awesome Uncle Pat, by the way... he's an inspiration. Remind me to tell you about him sometime). In the book, Julia Cameron talks about allowing your creations to take form, about not having expectations of yourself that each thing you create (especially the early attempts) be perfect.

It's helpful for me to think that way... that each thing I create (story, painting or stuffed cat) is a step along my journey... and each step is beautiful, even if it seems awkward to me.

Sigh... so I'm here, finishing things that I've started now and being happy that I'm a step closer to where I want to be.

Anyone else feel this way? Just me?