This week I wanted to talk a bit more about self-doubt. It's at the root of the majority of insecurities we writers feel. At least, I think it is. :)
Recently, I've been shooting for boldness and calling myself a writer, an editor, an artist in public. (I know, egads!) And people believe me! Which... is what I want for them to do. Because it's true! But... it's been a little disconcerting... not hiding it anymore.
I always kept it to myself, this writing, editing, and art, because I never felt like those identities were true about myself even though I write, edit, and create art daily. I still have this self-talk that says "You're a hack and no one will ever believe you can do what you say you can do." But... I'm choosing not to believe that voice anymore.
It is thrilling, finally allowing myself to believe in me. I find that I'm a lot less blocked creatively. I'm taking more personal risks, enjoying myself more, having more productive days. Still... it leaves me feeling a little insecure these days... Ironic when confidence makes you insecure, eh? I take it a day at a time. I'm not sure what I'll do when I run up against failure again. Hopefully I will not crumple as quickly this time.
I think this IWSG has been a big contributor in raising my confidence in myself. So... thank you, everyone! I'm sure I'll be back here next month with a black cloud of doubt again.
Does anyone else have any trouble with identity this way?
Identity may be my biggest problem. For years I just didn't fit in anywhere. I tried to give myself a label, and it didn't work. I tried to find my identity through activities, and that didn't work either. When I put together my blog, the title might actually be the most true title I've ever given myself, but it made me shake in my boots to put myself out there like that. I think the reason is because it is true. It was fine when people made fun of me for my fake labels, but this was the real me, and I didn't want people to laugh at me being a writer (and a lot of my scientist colleagues have).
ReplyDeleteMan it always amazes me when other writers are right in tune with something I've felt and often IWSG brings those feeling back. It's nice to know we're not alone in this subjective world. Great post!
ReplyDeleteYes! YEsssssss... thank you. I'm so glad I'm not alone! LOL.
ReplyDeleteSpot on. :)
While I can certainly sympathise, I would say my feeling on identity is somewhat different. I actually feel more like (or, perhaps, feel more like) a superhero with a lame disguise- or more specifically, like Superman/Clark Kent (nerd reference into identities there lol). My real identity is actually the artist/writer/bunny/goth person, but for the longest time, she was hidden by the Retail Slave Persona, which is really lame- my checkout-operator job is NOT me, it is just a uniform that I have no attachment to (apart from the steady pay ^^;; ). It actually links in strongly to other parts of my personality that I have felt the needed to conceal in the past, but in more recent times, I feel like I can embrace all of those elements. I am more confident with who I am as a person now, and a massive element in that is my creative side.
ReplyDeleteMaybe one day, I'll actually be a best-selling author or something, and it'll stop feeling like Superman, and more like Tony Stark announcing "I am Iron Man!" XD
(Sorry, I am in such a geeky mood this evening! But the geek is part of me too ;))
Total awesomeness for your comfort level in telling others what you do...While I identify with myself as a writer, I don't usually tell non-writers I just met that I'm working on a book just because the next time I see them, I often get asked why I'm not published yet.
ReplyDeleteYES! I never tell people I write. It's so silly when I think about it. Good for you for saying it more often!!
ReplyDeleteFor a long time I did. But then I thought if I'm writing and being published, then I'm a writer. Good for you for saying you're a writer too. You are!
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