Summertime, sigh

I really do love the summertime. It's warm, it's humid, and everyone seems more relaxed in general.

This week I'm a bit sad, because my good friend Lori is leaving for Yellowstone on Friday. After having her live with us for the past 10 months or so, I will miss her presence greatly! But, I'm happy for her. She is moving on, after all, to a job I know she'll excel at and in such a beautiful place! Sigh. I'll just have to visit her!

We've been doing fun things in honor of her last week (if not officially calling those things out as "going away, Lori" things)... like our vegetarian barbecue last weekend with grilled pineapple... and eating by a fire on the patio the other night... more reasons I love summer, if they also mean my friend going away soon... we'll do them in her honor when she's gone, too!

I finally edited the photos I took the other day... socks... it was time consuming! And I've realized how little I actually know about my camera, so I pulled out some good o'l books to help me figure a couple of things out. Hopefully the next shoot will produce improved results. I'm not disappointed with the results from this experience... just recognizing the room for improvement :)

That photo experience also helped me realize I'm not as young as I used to be! My knees and back were SORE from a lot of crouching and rising to get camera and subjects into the optimal position. I'm going to bring a stool with me next time to see if it helps... but I may need to re-imagine this "studio" to make sure I don't creak and groan so much after each session.

Also, I will do more yoga.

I have yet to sit down and work on my writing. I think I've become very good at making up excuses for NOT doing it. How I'm ever going to get around to it, I have no idea. I'm sure I'll think of something. I mean, I have to, right?

I'm using the time "well" though, reading more YA literature... and sketching... stretching the imagination...

and I am getting in my hikes usually... and had a paid photo session... so goals are coming together, if not how I envisioned them quite yet. Where would I be if I was not flexible? And now I'm off to practice more creativity and avoidance :) Here's to summertime!

I met a goal today

Well, half a goal at least... I had a paid photo gig this morning. :) I know a woman who needed some product photoing, so I took my tripod and my camera over to her house and she set up a backdrop and had lighting. That was a stroke of luck... I want/need a backdrop and some lighting and perhaps after a few more sessions I will look into that. She sells boot socks for equestrians... so I put socks on dummy legs and got to work photoing... and I think she was pleased, although all I can see are all the things I still don't know about my camera :)

Anyhow... The photos are unedited as yet, so I am not going to share any here. Maybe later... maybe you will want to buy socks from her after you see my pictures! ;) I have a couple pairs... they are comfy!

Ah, so it's been rainy here the past few days. Tag and I have still managed to get out and hike (except for yesterday when the bottom dropped out). The rain has also brought along a few interesting visitors. Here's one:

And now for a nice relaxing weekend with Noah and the prospect of seeing old friends next week!

Thunderstorms on Wednesday

It's almost 11 in the morning and I'm sitting in the dark... yes, you read that right. It's dark here this morning as thunderstorms grumble across the countryside. Lori, Tag and I only got a little bit wet as we ended our morning hike through Town Forest... the rain made the woods more magical, whispering on the trees. Tag was aquiver with excitement as squirrels and chipmunks darted across the path, seeking shelter from the coming storm. And now at home, with the sound of the rain coming through the open windows, it is so peaceful here.

Procrastination

I have a sickness. It's called "procrastination". I spend far too much time putting things off, not enough time actually following up on ideas/projects/creations... It's Thursday and I haven't posted at all this week! I have hiked every day... and read books every day... and knitted a little and cooked some... and here are some photos I took when I was in the city on Saturday, before it started raining.

Gargoyles! 

a butterfly net :)

check out these shoes!!!

I'd tell you I love New York City... and I do, I love the vibrancy, the food, the art beat... but I think my favorite part of the City is Central Park... and so I always feel like I'm cheating a bit... saying I love the City... because the Park is sort of... well a park :) if that makes sense.

I'm hoping that in the next few weeks I'll learn something more about what motivates me so that I can move forward... maybe finish a few things.

Peaceful Morning

Heron fishing

I love the mornings. Of course, that is probably because I don't have to get up and go to work every morning. I might avoid them then, mornings. But on my own schedule (or more truthfully, on the cats' schedule) I so enjoy rising while the sun is and listening to the songs of the birds as they greet the new day.

The water is flat on the pond this morning except for the occasional ripple of a giant carp hunting for bugs or for a mate. The heron in the photo I took today has flown to the other side of the water in protest of my presence. We are intruders, the dog and I. But we sit quietly, take in the morning magic.

The Summer "To-Do" List (aka Blogfest 2011!)

I've got my mug of coffee. I've got my mood music (this morning it's Ingrid Michaelson and Marie Digby). The laptop is humming. The cats and dog have had breakfast (so as to keep them out of my hair). My goals are listed in a journal on the counter next to me... and I hesitate...

The idea of Blogfest 2011 (as hosted by one Bess Weatherby via her own blog) is for those of us willing participants to list our summer goals (creative/writing/etc.) on our own blogs and find encouragement through forming our own little cyber community. A super awesome idea. I always work better when I voice my goals, thus making myself accountable to reaching them... If I keep my goals to myself, I have no one to disappoint but myself.

You see my dilemma?

I spent a few minutes the other week and put goals down in a journal with Blogfest in mind. As I look at those goals now, I'm a little frightened by the ambitious nature of some/all of them! Can I accomplish ANY of these goals this summer? Hmmm... are you expecting me to accomplish them? Am I expecting myself to accomplish them? If I just don't tell you about them, then we never have to know! I can come back at the end of the summer and list off anything I did accomplish without the added pressure of measuring up to a list... much more free form... surely accountability is overrated... that list is arbitrary anyhow...

Except that... I made that list. I wrote down those goals weeks ago. And if I'm honest I probably already scaled down my expectations before I put those goals on paper... so what would be the point of obliterating my expectations altogether except to give me no reason to fail...

Right on cue, the morning soundtrack offers up my summer anthem :) "Unfold" by Marie Digby. (video and lyrics at the end of this post)... And I find the strength to put those goals out there for you all to see. Here's hoping I accomplish something this summer!

Goals for my summer: Blogfest 2011

1. More blog posts! Right now I'm at about a post a week and it's mostly autobiographical (i.e. what I did this week). I'd like to up that to at least 2 posts a week. Likely I'll still wax autobiographical, but I would like to spend some time postulating on theories/ideas/current events in at least one of those posts. I'd also like to include at least one new photo for each post (whether or not it is relevant to the post :)).
2. Finish the first draft of novel #1 and begin re-write... because it will have to be rewritten. I have stalled and I really really really want to get this project off my plate (i.e. in editable form) so that I can just MOVE ON!!!
3. Outline novel #2 so that it does not become the directionless black hole that its predecessor has become. It's really a good idea. It just needs to be mapped out so that I can take it there.
4. Submit all or part of novel #2 for a writing workshop to get fine tuning/advice. (this goal may not be accomplished this summer specifically, because the deadlines for workshops are not known...)
5. Photo at least 2 clients (and by clients I mean people who are not just friends whom I take candid shots of while hanging out) for a portfolio.
6. Target a photo contest to enter... just for the fun of it.
7. Hike every day (even as I write this, I know it is overly ambitious, and that some days I will not feel like hiking... and that's ok... but I need to get outside to have a clear head.... so my goal in saying "Hike every day" is to get me to get outside!!! with the dog... and my camera).
8. Make a new friend. (I moved a year ago and I still don't know anyone in our new hometown. Partly I've become a hermit and needed the time for self-reflection... but... I need to branch out a little, I recognize :).

Now to go about accomplishing these goals. Here's hoping you'll come back and remind me to keep chipping away. Encouragement is underrated!

Going for a hike now :)




Lyrics:
What I can remember
Is a lot like water
Trickling down a page
Of the most beautiful colors
I can't quite put my finger
Down on the moment
That I became like this...

You see I am the bravest girl
You will ever come to meet
Yet I shrink down to nothing
At the thought of someone
Really seeing me
I think my heart is wrapped around
And tangled up in winding weeds

But I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say I'm stumbling
I will bare it all, watch me unfold
Unfold, unfold

These hands that I hold
Behind my back are
Bound and broken
By my own doing
And I can't feel
Anything anymore
I need a touch to remind me
I'm still real
Oh no...

I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say I'm stumbling
I will bare it all, watch me unfold
Unfold, unfold, unfold...

Unfold, unfold...

My soul
It's dying to be freed
You see.. I can't live the rest of my life
So guarded
It's dying to be freed
It's up to me to choose
What kind of life I'd lead

'Cause I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say I'm stumbling
I will bare it all... watch me unfold
Unfold, unfold, unfold, unfold...

Unfold, unfold...

I will allow someone to love me...
I will allow someone to love me...
Love me, love me...

Blogfest cometh...

It's nearly here! Blogfest 2011!

Are YOU ready? If you're interested, you can find more information here.

In other news, I have been both productive and not productive these past days. Lots of baking in the kitchen (quinoa and lentils... a new favorite dish), reading (I am blasting through Harry Potter again... I know I know, but the LAST movie is coming out soon and, as I have stated earlier, I am a re-reader. I can't help it.), knitting (I finished the sweater and have been practicing cable knitting with a scarf. It's pretty and I like it :))... but little writing, painting, drawing, or photography.

The sweater!

I did manage to pull the camera out this past weekend. Noah and I took a long weekend away in the Catskills for Memorial Day. It was our anniversary trip, a little late since I left for the British Isles the day after our anniversary last month. It was a lovely weekend away, no internet, no cell phones... just quiet... well... it would have been quiet if there hadn't been so many FROGS! It was great listening to them sing all night and all day. I didn't mind.

The cabin we stayed at had ponds and a stream, and lots of grassy areas for Tag to chase his frisbee (and his Noah). Noah read and played his banjo. I took long naps. We were all so relaxed and rested that we didn't want to leave when the time came.

The cabin

the dock

Frisbee!

Herding that pesky Noah back home

Banjo time!

Back on the home front, I've got a few things growing :) Here are some pictures of the back yard this season... cucumbers and tomatoes, wildflowers sprouting under the bird feeder, and a dragonfly. It's shaping up to be a lovely summer.

Cucumbers sprouting!

Tomatoes flowering!

Those are wildflowers under the bird feeder, not weeds!

I'm almost through building this hutch to go over my tomato plants and protect them from the pesky squirrels.

That's right, folks! It's Blog Award time!

Wheeeee! I've got another blog award :) That makes me happy! Why? Because it means people are ACTUALLY READING these posts! Also, it makes me a little stressed... because people are actually reading these posts!!! What must you all be thinking?

But enough of that! Now on to the fun part! The award :)

Thanks a heap to my friend Julie over at her blog, rosewood pencil box., for giving me this award. She's a wonderful writer, a delightful friend and I enjoy following along with her on-line musings. You should all go visit her blog right now, say hi, and laugh at her jokes.

Now I'll perform the feat of mental gymnastics required to give you seven little known facts about me (that are different from the seven you got with the last award...)

Hmmmm...

1. I am a re-reader, and a re-watcher... if there is a story I like... and sometimes if there is a story I'm not sure I liked/understood, but that I feel like I should have liked/understood... I will revisit it many times. In fact, I try to absorb the story's characters, motifs, soundtrack (even books have a virtual soundtrack in my mind), everything I can about it. Some people find this habit amusing, others find it dull (if you already know what's going to happen, why bother, right?)... what can I say? It's that part of me that loves escapism in movies and literature...

2. I love movies with a heroine named Eli(s/z)abeth in them. And there are precious few, believe you me. The main movies I love with heroines named Eli(s/z)abeth are Pride and Prejudice (the BBC one with Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth. If you've never seen this, put it in your Netflix queue RIGHT NOW. I'm not kidding.) and the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy (Number 3, At World's End, is my favorite of those. Number four was a predictable let-down. It also did NOT have "Will" and "Elizabeth" in it).

3. I am incapable of being late. I mean... it's not a complete impossibility, but if I am late it usually has to do with circumstances outside my control... and results in me having a moderate to severe anxiety attack. I have tried to be late before... when this happens, I usually arrive at my destination EXACTLY on time... or 2 minutes early. Seriously, can't be late.

4. I don't like to share food. Actually, this is an urban legend. I don't mind sharing food. I just don't like sharing ... shall we say... unexpectedly.

5. Loosely related to number four... I love cooking for people. I think it's because I love having people in my house and making them feel at home. I greatly enjoy making way too much food and making sure everyone has eaten as much as they possibly can, with the left overs wrapped up for them to take home. I so much want people to enjoy what I make for them to eat that I will do a practice run on new recipes that I want to try before I feed them to people (unless you're Noah and Lori, and then you just have to suffer through the taste test... not too many duds yet, though).

6. I have a journal collection. You may be thinking to yourself, "She's a writer. Typical." But no... I don't have a collection of completely filled journals. I have a collection of journals that I have written a few pages in and then forgotten about (i.e., put on a shelf and not continued with). I have to audibly tell myself not to buy them when I'm in bookstores... or any place journals are sold. People around me probably think I'm crazy... and they're probably right. I think it's the unrealized potential of the blank pages in a prettily bound book that makes me desire them so. And it's the sting of having some unknown psycho actually read and leave written comments in them ( happened. broke into my room during college orientation, ransacked it and defaced my journal) that has kept me from actually being able to stick to writing in one since then. But I so want to... so I keep buying them... and hoping that one day I'll write in them again.

7. I like tofu. Never thought I'd actually say that... I mentioned in the last blog award list that I'm vegetarian. Have been for over a year... and I now regularly eat and enjoy tofu. :)

I have only started following a few new blogs in the past months. Of those, only two would likely receive/respond to this award. Of those, one (rosewood pencil box.) just presented me with this award. :) So that leaves one more.

Science and life and a small bucket of crazy... is a blog by a woman I greatly admire. She's a brilliant scientist, an awesome mom, and a talented horsewoman. I met her when she jumped in to fill an instructor role for my beginning riding class at UC Davis. She's a great teacher, and though we live on opposite sides of the continent now I'm glad to call her a friend. Make sure you stop by her blog and say hi.

(For a list of blogs I noted last time, see here.)

Alrighty then... off to enjoy the rest of my Sunday... I'm thinking nap. You?

Demon slaying

Something has been bothering me the past week or so, and I thought I'd just get it out there... see how other people react to what I have to say. Maybe I'm over reacting, but I'm so over that right now...

If you know me very well, you probably know that since I was young I have wanted to be a writer (also, a vet, a dolphin trainer, a horse breeder, a dog trainer, a  missionary, ... this list could be long). But seriously, I started creating stories in elementary school. I have a love for literary escapism that is seconded only by my love for my husband and the life I'm making with him... and it's a tough battle for that top spot. :)

About a year ago, Noah took a job that has allowed me the liberty to practice the craft I've been so eager to spend every waking second on. I really can't mention enough how amazing that is... to be given this opportunity to just be and to pursue my dreams... to figure out what those dreams are, even.

The thing is, it's been hard! The most consistent work I have done towards that dream of being a writer happened in November. November was a fantastic month (NaNoWriMo) when I got a LOT of copy written on a novel idea I've had since High School. (No seriously, I have the original spiral notebook, complete with pencil sketches) But it was tiring and frustrating as it was motivating, because I realized some things about my original manuscript, and about my own personal character that have made this particular work a challenge (no, sorry, not going to detail either of those realizations). I am determined to complete it, though... if for no other reason than to put it to bed and move on.

But...

Someone tried to poke a hole in my ambition the other day by telling me that maybe I just wasn't suited to writing because it takes too much effort. And... that really bugs me. Because, as an American I've been raised to believe that I can do anything I put my mind to... in some ways I don't actually agree with that tenet of our society. If we could all be famous or geniuses at something we would all be ordinary... a self-defeating tenet it is that... But! If the journey is the object, then I think anyone willing to fail and try hard to do something they love or deeply desire to do should be encouraged to reach for their dreams.

Ok. So. Writing is not so easy for me right now. I don't wake up brimming with ideas and passion so searing that I have no choice but to sit down and pound out my innermost thoughts, creating fantasy and/or real worlds that I can't keep inside any longer. I think it's a flaw in my own character. A flaw that has made me somewhat reticent... which is not good for my writing mojo.

image borrowed from here.

That said, just because it's super hard for me right now does NOT mean that I should not be doing it... that because it doesn't come easy for me it's not what I'm meant to do. I refuse to believe that! I refuse to let go of the dream. Sure there are other things that come more easily to me. And instead of sitting here in front of a blank screen with a blinking cursor I will spend time on those things as well... to try and face the demons from an oblique angle. No point in beating my head against the wall.

But don't tell me it's just not for me... don't insult me by pointing out that my star is not shining as brightly as the rest. Because, baby, it's Shining. Period. And I'll make do with that for now.

Blogfest 2011 (aka another way to set and accomplish goals via virtual accountability)

Stolen directly from Miss Bess Weatherby's blog: "On June 6, 2011, I'm going to post my goals for this summer -- what I plan to get done between June and September while we turn on the fans, avoid the subway platforms and allow New York to fall in a sun-slumber."


I'm always looking for ways to move projects forward... to feel like I'm accomplishing something... and accountability/encouragement goes a long way. I'll look forward to your encouragement... and your accountability... and in the mean time I'll be pondering what my writing goals are for this summer, as well as my goals for those other projects I'd like to get rolling (... i.e. photography...). I'd love it if you joined in, too!


Of course, this is all provided the world doesn't end on Saturday. I'll get back to you.

The time for sweaters is through

It's most definitely spring now... almost summer (except that we're a little behind on warming up here in the northeast). And so, of course, I have begun knitting a sweater! (in preparation for NEXT winter...). In all seriousness, I'm actually pretty excited about knitting my first sweater. I have had to overcome several hurdles already... one being that I knit far too loosely for the pattern. They call the # of stitches per inch x # of rows per inch your gauge... and when I do the recommended # of stitches and rows, my swatch is 2"x2" BIGGER than what it is supposed to be. I must be too relaxed...

So I had to do some pretty complicated math to make the pattern work. I don't know if that will work every time, either... but it's working this time... so far... so we'll see. I feel like it'll be an accomplishment either way... even if it only fits the dog :)

I've been enjoying being home the past couple of weeks. The weather has been lovely... I've relaxed in our hammock and read books (see my book list to the right of the blog), taken canoe rides with Noah, gone hiking a lot with the super awesome dog. Traveling and experiencing new places was most definitely fun. But Noah and I have made a nice home together... and I definitely don't like to be away from it for long.

N in canoe.

gratuitous puppy shot

gratuitous orange kitty shot

a new(ish) painting I'm working on

Goldfinch!

I'm thinking of starting a freelance photography business... photo sessions for people and animals, and maybe some product photography, as well... if you're from around here and you are interested in a photo shoot, send me an e-mail at fairbettyatgmaildotcom. It'll be fun :)

Doolin, The Burren, and Dublin

We wrapped up our tour of Ireland with a visit to Doolin, stayed at a working farm B&B. It was pretty nice... the walls were paper thin and we had some noisy Americans staying the second night... they had no qualms shouting up and down the hall to each other. Our revenge? When we got down to breakfast we overheard them discussing what the darker of the two sausages on their plate was made out of :) and we DIDN'T tell them it was blood sausage... black pudding as it's referred to :). When our host filled them in they lost their appetites. Ha! You know... if you haven't bothered to look up what traditional Irish breakfast is before you order it... you can only blame yourself.

We stopped by the Cliffs of Moher, but were sorely disappointed in our experience there. The cliffs are basically not accessible. There's nowhere to walk, the visitor/information center is run down (trashed really) and there were hundreds of noisy tourists there. We ended up hopping a fence and walking a couple hundred yards to see some better views before we realized people were following us and my conscience said I didn't want to be responsible for someone else's irresponsibility; so we went back. There were signs posted everywhere with the number for the suicide hotline... eesh.

Next we tried to find a place to hike in "The Burren". It's another of Ireland's enigmatic national parks. We drove around for EVER, stopped at the information center even... and couldn't figure out where there  were acceptable places to park a car and walk. Eventually, we drove up to one of the tourist attractions, the Caves, and parked the car and just hiked up the side of the hill. It turned into a good scramble and we enjoyed ourselves.

We ate at the local pub in Doolin that evening and listened to some traditional Irish music from local musicians.

On the way to Dublin the next day we stopped for another walk down to the ocean. The terrain is mostly flat, with lots of limestone. It's really fun to walk across. I made one last rock stack for Noah... and then we moved on to our final destination... the Isaacs Hostel in Dublin.

So, the thing about Dublin is... it was Good Friday the day we were there... and everything was closed. No Guinness factory tours, no Jaimeson factory tours, no museums, no bars served alcohol... bummer. So, we contented ourselves with walking around looking at the statues and architecture (actually Lori went on a bike tour), ate some potato boxty for dinner... and flew home the next day.

This is the view from our B&B in Doolin. Donkeys!

Oh, and a castle turret :)

The Cliffs of Moher... were... disappointing. We expected hiking and vistas... what we got was an extremely run down visitors' center, about 750 m of walled walks and a LOT of noisy tourists. Bummer

But there was this cool harpist

And we climbed over the fence and past the sign that says "do not pass" to get this shot.

Lehinch beach

This old collie made me miss Tag :(

Here we have a lovely horse spooking at the waves

and getting schooled...

We drove around for an hour or 2 trying to find a decent place to walk in "The Burren". While doing so, we came across an abbey with a cemetery

And finally found somewhere to hike!

The last of my rock stacks for Noah. Don't let yourself be fooled. These rocks were BIG... and HEAVY. It was my best stack yet.

In Dublin... with James Joyce

St. Stephen's Green

Thus endeth our trip. It was fun, and I'm glad I went. I can't wait to go back to Scotland. I may start planning that trip now!