Crafty Crafty :)

I have spent the past week being super crafty! I taught myself a few new knit stitches... and taught myself not to put wool in the dryer (oops)... and I brought the sewing machine out again in an effort to organize my knitting supplies a little more.

My awesome "Stitch 'n' Bitch" book (bottom left corner of the first photo) has patterns for a few organizational implements that I put together and put straight to use! First, the needle holder:

interior view (ignore my clutter...)

The red flap holds the needles in their pockets... exterior view.

Then I made a hanging pocket for my circular needles. I still need to iron on labels to indicate size/length of the needles...

And I made a bag...

I know it's a little dark, but I just love this fabric!

Ok, ok, so those aren't the best photos I've ever taken, but they illustrate the point adequately.

As I spent time in front of the sewing machine and knitting needles, I decided I'd re-watch the Star Trek: The Next Generation series. Dad was a Trek fan. I remember watching old Star Trek reruns when I was a kid, and we kept up with TNG pretty regularly, as well. I was looking forward to revisiting the series.

Sadly, I've made it well into season two, and I just can't bring myself to like it... It seems cheesy, affected... the acting is terrible... the story lines wrap up all too neatly in a forty minute period.. I can't connect to the characters... and sadly I feel like I'm being preached to most of the time. Sigh. The concepts they touch on are imaginative, for sure... and I know that those concepts inspired a generation of creative thinkers and scientists to push the boundaries of reality... but I was hoping for better than I found re: the story/character interaction/etc. Obviously memory doesn't serve very well here.

It probably doesn't help that in the evenings I'm watching Dr. Who with Noah. There are certain things I don't care for in Dr. Who, either (i.e. the Doctor's need to rescue a helpless female in every episode.), but the characters are much more personable/affecting than the NG characters and if the plots resolve unrealistically quickly, at least there is a good reason for it. I mean, he is after all a 900 year old Time Lord for crying out loud, he's bound to have amassed a supernatural amount of knowledge about the universe in that time.

Anyhow... I digress... I have another post coming as soon as I can get myself around to writing it... and I hope you'll hang with me 'til I get there. I still haven't written any more on the novel(s) yet... but I think I'm approaching a breakthrough in the psychological block. We'll see. Fingers crossed!

Here are some nicer photos to part with... the backyard is abloom, the tomatoes are ripening, the cucumbers are swelling, and the pumpkins have sprouted (a little late I realize...). Summer!

Summertime, sigh

I really do love the summertime. It's warm, it's humid, and everyone seems more relaxed in general.

This week I'm a bit sad, because my good friend Lori is leaving for Yellowstone on Friday. After having her live with us for the past 10 months or so, I will miss her presence greatly! But, I'm happy for her. She is moving on, after all, to a job I know she'll excel at and in such a beautiful place! Sigh. I'll just have to visit her!

We've been doing fun things in honor of her last week (if not officially calling those things out as "going away, Lori" things)... like our vegetarian barbecue last weekend with grilled pineapple... and eating by a fire on the patio the other night... more reasons I love summer, if they also mean my friend going away soon... we'll do them in her honor when she's gone, too!

I finally edited the photos I took the other day... socks... it was time consuming! And I've realized how little I actually know about my camera, so I pulled out some good o'l books to help me figure a couple of things out. Hopefully the next shoot will produce improved results. I'm not disappointed with the results from this experience... just recognizing the room for improvement :)

That photo experience also helped me realize I'm not as young as I used to be! My knees and back were SORE from a lot of crouching and rising to get camera and subjects into the optimal position. I'm going to bring a stool with me next time to see if it helps... but I may need to re-imagine this "studio" to make sure I don't creak and groan so much after each session.

Also, I will do more yoga.

I have yet to sit down and work on my writing. I think I've become very good at making up excuses for NOT doing it. How I'm ever going to get around to it, I have no idea. I'm sure I'll think of something. I mean, I have to, right?

I'm using the time "well" though, reading more YA literature... and sketching... stretching the imagination...

and I am getting in my hikes usually... and had a paid photo session... so goals are coming together, if not how I envisioned them quite yet. Where would I be if I was not flexible? And now I'm off to practice more creativity and avoidance :) Here's to summertime!

The Summer "To-Do" List (aka Blogfest 2011!)

I've got my mug of coffee. I've got my mood music (this morning it's Ingrid Michaelson and Marie Digby). The laptop is humming. The cats and dog have had breakfast (so as to keep them out of my hair). My goals are listed in a journal on the counter next to me... and I hesitate...

The idea of Blogfest 2011 (as hosted by one Bess Weatherby via her own blog) is for those of us willing participants to list our summer goals (creative/writing/etc.) on our own blogs and find encouragement through forming our own little cyber community. A super awesome idea. I always work better when I voice my goals, thus making myself accountable to reaching them... If I keep my goals to myself, I have no one to disappoint but myself.

You see my dilemma?

I spent a few minutes the other week and put goals down in a journal with Blogfest in mind. As I look at those goals now, I'm a little frightened by the ambitious nature of some/all of them! Can I accomplish ANY of these goals this summer? Hmmm... are you expecting me to accomplish them? Am I expecting myself to accomplish them? If I just don't tell you about them, then we never have to know! I can come back at the end of the summer and list off anything I did accomplish without the added pressure of measuring up to a list... much more free form... surely accountability is overrated... that list is arbitrary anyhow...

Except that... I made that list. I wrote down those goals weeks ago. And if I'm honest I probably already scaled down my expectations before I put those goals on paper... so what would be the point of obliterating my expectations altogether except to give me no reason to fail...

Right on cue, the morning soundtrack offers up my summer anthem :) "Unfold" by Marie Digby. (video and lyrics at the end of this post)... And I find the strength to put those goals out there for you all to see. Here's hoping I accomplish something this summer!

Goals for my summer: Blogfest 2011

1. More blog posts! Right now I'm at about a post a week and it's mostly autobiographical (i.e. what I did this week). I'd like to up that to at least 2 posts a week. Likely I'll still wax autobiographical, but I would like to spend some time postulating on theories/ideas/current events in at least one of those posts. I'd also like to include at least one new photo for each post (whether or not it is relevant to the post :)).
2. Finish the first draft of novel #1 and begin re-write... because it will have to be rewritten. I have stalled and I really really really want to get this project off my plate (i.e. in editable form) so that I can just MOVE ON!!!
3. Outline novel #2 so that it does not become the directionless black hole that its predecessor has become. It's really a good idea. It just needs to be mapped out so that I can take it there.
4. Submit all or part of novel #2 for a writing workshop to get fine tuning/advice. (this goal may not be accomplished this summer specifically, because the deadlines for workshops are not known...)
5. Photo at least 2 clients (and by clients I mean people who are not just friends whom I take candid shots of while hanging out) for a portfolio.
6. Target a photo contest to enter... just for the fun of it.
7. Hike every day (even as I write this, I know it is overly ambitious, and that some days I will not feel like hiking... and that's ok... but I need to get outside to have a clear head.... so my goal in saying "Hike every day" is to get me to get outside!!! with the dog... and my camera).
8. Make a new friend. (I moved a year ago and I still don't know anyone in our new hometown. Partly I've become a hermit and needed the time for self-reflection... but... I need to branch out a little, I recognize :).

Now to go about accomplishing these goals. Here's hoping you'll come back and remind me to keep chipping away. Encouragement is underrated!

Going for a hike now :)




Lyrics:
What I can remember
Is a lot like water
Trickling down a page
Of the most beautiful colors
I can't quite put my finger
Down on the moment
That I became like this...

You see I am the bravest girl
You will ever come to meet
Yet I shrink down to nothing
At the thought of someone
Really seeing me
I think my heart is wrapped around
And tangled up in winding weeds

But I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say I'm stumbling
I will bare it all, watch me unfold
Unfold, unfold

These hands that I hold
Behind my back are
Bound and broken
By my own doing
And I can't feel
Anything anymore
I need a touch to remind me
I'm still real
Oh no...

I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say I'm stumbling
I will bare it all, watch me unfold
Unfold, unfold, unfold...

Unfold, unfold...

My soul
It's dying to be freed
You see.. I can't live the rest of my life
So guarded
It's dying to be freed
It's up to me to choose
What kind of life I'd lead

'Cause I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say I'm stumbling
I will bare it all... watch me unfold
Unfold, unfold, unfold, unfold...

Unfold, unfold...

I will allow someone to love me...
I will allow someone to love me...
Love me, love me...

Demon slaying

Something has been bothering me the past week or so, and I thought I'd just get it out there... see how other people react to what I have to say. Maybe I'm over reacting, but I'm so over that right now...

If you know me very well, you probably know that since I was young I have wanted to be a writer (also, a vet, a dolphin trainer, a horse breeder, a dog trainer, a  missionary, ... this list could be long). But seriously, I started creating stories in elementary school. I have a love for literary escapism that is seconded only by my love for my husband and the life I'm making with him... and it's a tough battle for that top spot. :)

About a year ago, Noah took a job that has allowed me the liberty to practice the craft I've been so eager to spend every waking second on. I really can't mention enough how amazing that is... to be given this opportunity to just be and to pursue my dreams... to figure out what those dreams are, even.

The thing is, it's been hard! The most consistent work I have done towards that dream of being a writer happened in November. November was a fantastic month (NaNoWriMo) when I got a LOT of copy written on a novel idea I've had since High School. (No seriously, I have the original spiral notebook, complete with pencil sketches) But it was tiring and frustrating as it was motivating, because I realized some things about my original manuscript, and about my own personal character that have made this particular work a challenge (no, sorry, not going to detail either of those realizations). I am determined to complete it, though... if for no other reason than to put it to bed and move on.

But...

Someone tried to poke a hole in my ambition the other day by telling me that maybe I just wasn't suited to writing because it takes too much effort. And... that really bugs me. Because, as an American I've been raised to believe that I can do anything I put my mind to... in some ways I don't actually agree with that tenet of our society. If we could all be famous or geniuses at something we would all be ordinary... a self-defeating tenet it is that... But! If the journey is the object, then I think anyone willing to fail and try hard to do something they love or deeply desire to do should be encouraged to reach for their dreams.

Ok. So. Writing is not so easy for me right now. I don't wake up brimming with ideas and passion so searing that I have no choice but to sit down and pound out my innermost thoughts, creating fantasy and/or real worlds that I can't keep inside any longer. I think it's a flaw in my own character. A flaw that has made me somewhat reticent... which is not good for my writing mojo.

image borrowed from here.

That said, just because it's super hard for me right now does NOT mean that I should not be doing it... that because it doesn't come easy for me it's not what I'm meant to do. I refuse to believe that! I refuse to let go of the dream. Sure there are other things that come more easily to me. And instead of sitting here in front of a blank screen with a blinking cursor I will spend time on those things as well... to try and face the demons from an oblique angle. No point in beating my head against the wall.

But don't tell me it's just not for me... don't insult me by pointing out that my star is not shining as brightly as the rest. Because, baby, it's Shining. Period. And I'll make do with that for now.

Blogfest 2011 (aka another way to set and accomplish goals via virtual accountability)

Stolen directly from Miss Bess Weatherby's blog: "On June 6, 2011, I'm going to post my goals for this summer -- what I plan to get done between June and September while we turn on the fans, avoid the subway platforms and allow New York to fall in a sun-slumber."


I'm always looking for ways to move projects forward... to feel like I'm accomplishing something... and accountability/encouragement goes a long way. I'll look forward to your encouragement... and your accountability... and in the mean time I'll be pondering what my writing goals are for this summer, as well as my goals for those other projects I'd like to get rolling (... i.e. photography...). I'd love it if you joined in, too!


Of course, this is all provided the world doesn't end on Saturday. I'll get back to you.

On pretending to be a writer

I haven't written much lately. Apart from scribbling down a couple of lines based on a story that friend/roomie Lori was telling about her high school days (it was just too good to pass up!), I haven't done any substantial creative work in the past 2 months. So much for new year's resolutions... I blame that snotty French child that gave me the crud when we were in the airport smashed together for so many hours. Or maybe I blame Air France for cancelling my flight and forcing me to share air with that snotty kid... or maybe I blame the French weather... or the Connecticut weather... any way you look at it, not much has happened on that front of late.

I keep expecting that to change any day. I just need a wild hair of inspiration or a motivator or something like that... I've been reading like crazy. I know it doesn't look like it based on my little book list widget, but that's because the book I'm reading now (A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth) is GIANORMOUS!!! I'm 300 pages from the end... and that's saying something!

I have my fingers crossed that next month's venture will change things. You see, I've booked a trip to Scotland. I'm going... at probably not the BEST time of year to travel there... to the Orkney Islands! I have wanted to go to the OI for years now, as attested by this previous post. I realize I only posted that a year ago, but the obsession has been growing for some time now... and now I'm going! I'm very excited to be able to spend a few days lurking about the islands. I hope to talk to some of the locals and see, rain or shine, the standing stones, the North Sea battered shore, the rugged landscape... all in the name of a novel idea I had last year.

This photo has nothing to do with the Orkneys... I just wanted to share it with you.

I came up with an idea... I won't talk about it yet... for a novel set in the OIs. I hope to see the story build, strengthened and infused with the local lore (which I've been web stalking for a while) and now hopefully with some first hand experience as well!

After going to the OIs, Lori and I plan to drive down the length of Scotland, visiting Loch Ness and driving through the highlands as part of our journey. The last leg of our journey will be spent in Ireland, also a place I have been dreaming of visiting!

Believe you me, I will be packing at least one journal and a lot of sweaters. And I will be masquerading as the thing that I have a sneaking suspicion I actually am... a writer.

Did I say 1000 words a day?

So, I decided to take a break from writing yesterday to do a quick painting. I have been sitting on this idea for a few days now... and needed to get it out on canvas. My style is, of course, rough and untrained, but... there you go. I feel better now :)

Also, I'm over 22,000 words! Just 8,000 more until my goal! Woo hoo!

How it's going on day 4

This is day 4 of "NaNoWriMo"... I've done my thousand words a day for the past 3 days (technically should be doing more, but I decided to shoot for 30,000 words instead of 50,000... and perhaps I'll surprise myself).

Nanowrimo Breakfast of Champions: Black tea with cream and Entenmann's donuts

Today for breakfast we're having tea, donuts and procrastination... plenty of procrastination if you want to share.  I've dragged Tag's bed into the kitchen and given him a bully stick to chew on,

Tag is ready to write

set the pandora station to Chopin, brewed my second cup of tea for the morning, and written 100 words so far... I have miles to go... at least it's raining outside, so I won't be tempted to go out and run about in the beautiful fall weather... and I made Noah take the car this morning, so I effectively marooned myself for the day. Sigh...

A portrait of the author hard at work

So now, with breakfast devoured and much time wasted, I really will get to work... really... right this instant... see? I'm working...

The month of November is here!

I would like to confess that this month I'll be participating in "Nanowrimo" (That's National Novel Writing Month)... I'm a little nervous, because I don't know that I actually have it in me... but I have the desire to be a novelist... and this is the only way I know how to motivate myself. Thankfully I have friends to keep me accountable, and a lovely supportive husband who is encouraging me to do this.

For the record, this is a novel idea I've had since high school... it's a fantasy themed young adult novel... and there you go... Also for the record (for those of you that are aware... i.e. Leslie, Beth, others...), I have NOT forgotten about the other novel idea... and will return to that after the month of November. I REALLY want to finish one of these things... and am hopeful that success in that vein will lead to finishing other projects.

In the meantime, here are some photos of Halloween weekend in the City (Fort Tryon Park and Greenwich Village) and some fun with cats and pumpkins at home... Love...

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, they come in black!

I have a soft spot for ceramic poultry. Don't ask why.

Loved these colors in the window

Fort Tryon Park, NYC

They also come in "chinchilla grey"

Photo credit: Lori Marois

Stella Scooter, very cool

Lori and Tag romping in the leaves

And then calming down.

Tag actually did very well in the city.

Ah, the Village

Cutest kitten ever, Gillyflower

And her brother, Jack the pumpkin kitty

Jack the Pumpkin King

Noah's vampire pumpkin

Lori's pumpkin had leaf cutouts on it.

Noah has to bundle up to canoe now

  

It's definitely fall here.

Orkneys

I have an obsession with the Orkney Islands. I call it an obsession, but really it comes and goes so quickly. .. I think it must be lurking, underlying my thoughts, cropping up unexpectedly.

I read about the Orkneys for the first time in TH White's "Once and Future King". I'm pretty sure Walt Disney copied the first book for the script to "The Sword in the Stone". Actually, he did... I just looked it up. There are 2 other books in O&FK, though. A little more sinister and heady than Disney wanted, I imagine. In the second book, you get to know Morgause and her horrid children.... and they live on the Orkney Islands.

Then I read about the islands again in Mary Stewart's "The Wicked Day". Mordred grows up there, as well, in this book.

photo borrowed from Foxsaver Pictures website, no credit available.

A while back I felt inspired to write a little bit of fiction about dark magic (still working on it so don't get too excited)... and when casting about for the perfect backdrop (it's all about the setting for me)... I remembered the Orkneys. So I began doing some research. I wanted to be able to name places and land features authentically. I came across this website: http://www.orkneyjar.com/. And now I am obsessed... with the history, the landscape, the folklore, the traditions... I even look up real estate listings. Like this one.

I'll visit there eventually. In the summer... so I can keep up the illusion that I could live there one day. I'm sure the winter there would destroy me. It's decidedly harsher than the winter even here in Connecticut is supposed to be. Maybe one day after the CT winter has thickened my blood...