So progress is progress, right? After a couple of months of shirking, I have finally written a few more pages and I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel... meaning I have figured out how I want it to end, this WIP (that's Work In Progress for those of you who don't know) I have had hanging over my head for ... well... years, really. It's a mess and whole sections of it will have to be rewritten... but after a brief conversation with Noah last night, I believe I have found my resolution! And that's what counts right now... just getting it written... and then I can spend the NEXT 20 years editing it :)... Actually, it's probably only 15 years... and if you count how many years I spent NOT working on it... it's not really that long at ALL, right? Sigh...
Now if I can just get through the last pages of the beast...
Summer continues to forge ahead in the heat of its glory. And we have red sunflowers now...
and cucumbers and tomatoes...
And more wildflowers...
And I'm slowly molding my insecurity into something more manageable, or learning to see it for what it really is... baby steps...
So, I decided I should do some self portraits because I, deep down... like the rest of humanity... am narcissistic and who doesn't like to see pictures of themselves...? Really...
The thing is, I haven't prepared for a project like that... and really I should be more creative about it... I just pointed the camera at myself and this is what I ended up with...
Scary, really... the pores on my face are so ... obvious... and I have so many skin blemishes! Hmmmm... I think the object of a self portrait project (besides narcissism) will have to be learning to love myself the way that I am... because while I look at those blemishes and think "God! I should wear make-up!" the thing is that I won't... and I shouldn't have to hide my imperfections... Isn't the dog cute? :)
But it could also be fun to REALLY make myself up... to be wildly fanciful... to tap that part of me that wishes I had wings or was a tree sprite... so maybe this project will evolve... I need to find a way to release the creative spirit that is trapped within me... and hopefully she will start to write again soon.
"My soul
It's dying to be freed
You see.. I can't live the rest of my life
So guarded
It's dying to be freed
It's up to me to choose
What kind of life I'd lead" Marie Digby
It is the end of an era, and I would be remiss if I didn't post something about Harry Potter today, given the special place those books, movies, and characters have in my heart.
I find myself tearing up a bit as I read other posts on the passing of a great age of anticipation... posts in which people talk about growing up with Harry Potter, the books and the movies, about what sadness they feel at this being the last film, or how the story never really ends...
I was a late comer to Harry Potter... Books 1-4 were already in paperback by the time I picked up "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone," but I was immediately hooked. J.K. Rowling's clever plot and emotionally compelling characters stole my heart and my imagination. I found myself wishing that a secret world of wizards really did exist... and hoping that if it did, I was not a muggle! I cried when Dumbledore died... all throughout the 7th book, and also when Rowling shows Neville at St. Mungos with his mentally impaired mother... the deep feeling Rowling conveyed there touched me in a way that not many authors manage to do.
In the past 10 years, I have eagerly awaited the release of each movie and book, gobbled them up with equal relish, wondered what would happen next, grumbled when Hollywood altered details... Harry Potter has been, and will likely continue to be, great fodder for conversations. But we will truly lose that atmosphere of anticipation... we have to learn how to grow up out of that... to look forward to each day because it is a new day... to let anticipation evolve into something more meaningful.
I am a re-reader. I have already re-read the Potter books this year, as I have done in years past and will likely continue to do. Now is the time for a world fixated on anticipation to return and find the rest of the riches that come out of a deeper understanding of the story.
I am sad that after today there will be no new adventures in the world of Harry Potter to look forward to... but I am glad that the story and its characters remain, familiar friends to revisit and enjoy.
A firework fountain on the end of our dock at July 4
I have spent the past week being super crafty! I taught myself a few new knit stitches... and taught myself not to put wool in the dryer (oops)... and I brought the sewing machine out again in an effort to organize my knitting supplies a little more.
My awesome "Stitch 'n' Bitch" book (bottom left corner of the first photo) has patterns for a few organizational implements that I put together and put straight to use! First, the needle holder:
interior view (ignore my clutter...)
The red flap holds the needles in their pockets... exterior view.
Then I made a hanging pocket for my circular needles. I still need to iron on labels to indicate size/length of the needles...
And I made a bag...
I know it's a little dark, but I just love this fabric!
Ok, ok, so those aren't the best photos I've ever taken, but they illustrate the point adequately.
As I spent time in front of the sewing machine and knitting needles, I decided I'd re-watch the Star Trek: The Next Generation series. Dad was a Trek fan. I remember watching old Star Trek reruns when I was a kid, and we kept up with TNG pretty regularly, as well. I was looking forward to revisiting the series.
Sadly, I've made it well into season two, and I just can't bring myself to like it... It seems cheesy, affected... the acting is terrible... the story lines wrap up all too neatly in a forty minute period.. I can't connect to the characters... and sadly I feel like I'm being preached to most of the time. Sigh. The concepts they touch on are imaginative, for sure... and I know that those concepts inspired a generation of creative thinkers and scientists to push the boundaries of reality... but I was hoping for better than I found re: the story/character interaction/etc. Obviously memory doesn't serve very well here.
It probably doesn't help that in the evenings I'm watching Dr. Who with Noah. There are certain things I don't care for in Dr. Who, either (i.e. the Doctor's need to rescue a helpless female in every episode.), but the characters are much more personable/affecting than the NG characters and if the plots resolve unrealistically quickly, at least there is a good reason for it. I mean, he is after all a 900 year old Time Lord for crying out loud, he's bound to have amassed a supernatural amount of knowledge about the universe in that time.
Anyhow... I digress... I have another post coming as soon as I can get myself around to writing it... and I hope you'll hang with me 'til I get there. I still haven't written any more on the novel(s) yet... but I think I'm approaching a breakthrough in the psychological block. We'll see. Fingers crossed!
Here are some nicer photos to part with... the backyard is abloom, the tomatoes are ripening, the cucumbers are swelling, and the pumpkins have sprouted (a little late I realize...). Summer!
Oh the ways I can devise to distract myself from my writing goals...
This was a project request I got from my aunt, though. Make an 8x8 inch quilt square that represents "us" (Noah and me). I've never made a quilt square before this one... so after some thought on the design, this is what I came up with...
Then, because she liked it so much, she asked me to make one with a strawberry on it (the quilt is for my grandmother who loves strawberries).
I had far too much fun with this project :) It got me scheming... and COMPLETELY off the writing track. I'll have to work my way back quickly or I'm going to lose all my summer time! But at least I'm having fun.
Oh, and here's the original photo I used for inspiration:
I really do love the summertime. It's warm, it's humid, and everyone seems more relaxed in general.
This week I'm a bit sad, because my good friend Lori is leaving for Yellowstone on Friday. After having her live with us for the past 10 months or so, I will miss her presence greatly! But, I'm happy for her. She is moving on, after all, to a job I know she'll excel at and in such a beautiful place! Sigh. I'll just have to visit her!
We've been doing fun things in honor of her last week (if not officially calling those things out as "going away, Lori" things)... like our vegetarian barbecue last weekend with grilled pineapple... and eating by a fire on the patio the other night... more reasons I love summer, if they also mean my friend going away soon... we'll do them in her honor when she's gone, too!
I finally edited the photos I took the other day... socks... it was time consuming! And I've realized how little I actually know about my camera, so I pulled out some good o'l books to help me figure a couple of things out. Hopefully the next shoot will produce improved results. I'm not disappointed with the results from this experience... just recognizing the room for improvement :)
That photo experience also helped me realize I'm not as young as I used to be! My knees and back were SORE from a lot of crouching and rising to get camera and subjects into the optimal position. I'm going to bring a stool with me next time to see if it helps... but I may need to re-imagine this "studio" to make sure I don't creak and groan so much after each session.
Also, I will do more yoga.
I have yet to sit down and work on my writing. I think I've become very good at making up excuses for NOT doing it. How I'm ever going to get around to it, I have no idea. I'm sure I'll think of something. I mean, I have to, right?
I'm using the time "well" though, reading more YA literature... and sketching... stretching the imagination...
and I am getting in my hikes usually... and had a paid photo session... so goals are coming together, if not how I envisioned them quite yet. Where would I be if I was not flexible? And now I'm off to practice more creativity and avoidance :) Here's to summertime!
Well, half a goal at least... I had a paid photo gig this morning. :) I know a woman who needed some product photoing, so I took my tripod and my camera over to her house and she set up a backdrop and had lighting. That was a stroke of luck... I want/need a backdrop and some lighting and perhaps after a few more sessions I will look into that. She sells boot socks for equestrians... so I put socks on dummy legs and got to work photoing... and I think she was pleased, although all I can see are all the things I still don't know about my camera :)
Anyhow... The photos are unedited as yet, so I am not going to share any here. Maybe later... maybe you will want to buy socks from her after you see my pictures! ;) I have a couple pairs... they are comfy!
Ah, so it's been rainy here the past few days. Tag and I have still managed to get out and hike (except for yesterday when the bottom dropped out). The rain has also brought along a few interesting visitors. Here's one:
And now for a nice relaxing weekend with Noah and the prospect of seeing old friends next week!
It's almost 11 in the morning and I'm sitting in the dark... yes, you read that right. It's dark here this morning as thunderstorms grumble across the countryside. Lori, Tag and I only got a little bit wet as we ended our morning hike through Town Forest... the rain made the woods more magical, whispering on the trees. Tag was aquiver with excitement as squirrels and chipmunks darted across the path, seeking shelter from the coming storm. And now at home, with the sound of the rain coming through the open windows, it is so peaceful here.
I have a sickness. It's called "procrastination". I spend far too much time putting things off, not enough time actually following up on ideas/projects/creations... It's Thursday and I haven't posted at all this week! I have hiked every day... and read books every day... and knitted a little and cooked some... and here are some photos I took when I was in the city on Saturday, before it started raining.
Gargoyles!
a butterfly net :)
check out these shoes!!!
I'd tell you I love New York City... and I do, I love the vibrancy, the food, the art beat... but I think my favorite part of the City is Central Park... and so I always feel like I'm cheating a bit... saying I love the City... because the Park is sort of... well a park :) if that makes sense.
I'm hoping that in the next few weeks I'll learn something more about what motivates me so that I can move forward... maybe finish a few things.
I love the mornings. Of course, that is probably because I don't have to get up and go to work every morning. I might avoid them then, mornings. But on my own schedule (or more truthfully, on the cats' schedule) I so enjoy rising while the sun is and listening to the songs of the birds as they greet the new day.
The water is flat on the pond this morning except for the occasional ripple of a giant carp hunting for bugs or for a mate. The heron in the photo I took today has flown to the other side of the water in protest of my presence. We are intruders, the dog and I. But we sit quietly, take in the morning magic.
I've got my mug of coffee. I've got my mood music (this morning it's Ingrid Michaelson and Marie Digby). The laptop is humming. The cats and dog have had breakfast (so as to keep them out of my hair). My goals are listed in a journal on the counter next to me... and I hesitate...
The idea of Blogfest 2011 (as hosted by one Bess Weatherby via her own blog) is for those of us willing participants to list our summer goals (creative/writing/etc.) on our own blogs and find encouragement through forming our own little cyber community. A super awesome idea. I always work better when I voice my goals, thus making myself accountable to reaching them... If I keep my goals to myself, I have no one to disappoint but myself.
You see my dilemma?
I spent a few minutes the other week and put goals down in a journal with Blogfest in mind. As I look at those goals now, I'm a little frightened by the ambitious nature of some/all of them! Can I accomplish ANY of these goals this summer? Hmmm... are you expecting me to accomplish them? Am I expecting myself to accomplish them? If I just don't tell you about them, then we never have to know! I can come back at the end of the summer and list off anything I did accomplish without the added pressure of measuring up to a list... much more free form... surely accountability is overrated... that list is arbitrary anyhow...
Except that... I made that list. I wrote down those goals weeks ago. And if I'm honest I probably already scaled down my expectations before I put those goals on paper... so what would be the point of obliterating my expectations altogether except to give me no reason to fail...
Right on cue, the morning soundtrack offers up my summer anthem :) "Unfold" by Marie Digby. (video and lyrics at the end of this post)... And I find the strength to put those goals out there for you all to see. Here's hoping I accomplish something this summer!
Goals for my summer: Blogfest 2011
More blog posts! Right now I'm at about a post a week and it's mostly autobiographical (i.e. what I did this week). I'd like to up that to at least 2 posts a week. Likely I'll still wax autobiographical, but I would like to spend some time postulating on theories/ideas/current events in at least one of those posts. I'd also like to include at least one new photo for each post (whether or not it is relevant to the post :)).
Finish the first draft of novel #1 and begin re-write... because it will have to be rewritten. I have stalled and I really really really want to get this project off my plate (i.e. in editable form) so that I can just MOVE ON!!!
Outline novel #2 so that it does not become the directionless black hole that its predecessor has become. It's really a good idea. It just needs to be mapped out so that I can take it there.
Submit all or part of novel #2 for a writing workshop to get fine tuning/advice. (this goal may not be accomplished this summer specifically, because the deadlines for workshops are not known...)
Photo at least 2 clients (and by clients I mean people who are not just friends whom I take candid shots of while hanging out) for a portfolio.
Target a photo contest to enter... just for the fun of it.
Hike every day (even as I write this, I know it is overly ambitious, and that some days I will not feel like hiking... and that's ok... but I need to get outside to have a clear head.... so my goal in saying "Hike every day" is to get me to get outside!!! with the dog... and my camera).
Make a new friend. (I moved a year ago and I still don't know anyone in our new hometown. Partly I've become a hermit and needed the time for self-reflection... but... I need to branch out a little, I recognize :).
Now to go about accomplishing these goals. Here's hoping you'll come back and remind me to keep chipping away. Encouragement is underrated!
Going for a hike now :)
Lyrics:
What I can remember
Is a lot like water
Trickling down a page
Of the most beautiful colors
I can't quite put my finger
Down on the moment
That I became like this...
You see I am the bravest girl
You will ever come to meet
Yet I shrink down to nothing
At the thought of someone
Really seeing me
I think my heart is wrapped around
And tangled up in winding weeds
But I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say I'm stumbling
I will bare it all, watch me unfold
Unfold, unfold
These hands that I hold
Behind my back are
Bound and broken
By my own doing
And I can't feel
Anything anymore
I need a touch to remind me
I'm still real
Oh no...
I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say I'm stumbling
I will bare it all, watch me unfold
Unfold, unfold, unfold...
Unfold, unfold...
My soul
It's dying to be freed
You see.. I can't live the rest of my life
So guarded
It's dying to be freed
It's up to me to choose
What kind of life I'd lead
'Cause I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say I'm stumbling
I will bare it all... watch me unfold
Unfold, unfold, unfold, unfold...
Unfold, unfold...
I will allow someone to love me...
I will allow someone to love me...
Love me, love me...
Are YOU ready? If you're interested, you can find more information here.
In other news, I have been both productive and not productive these past days. Lots of baking in the kitchen (quinoa and lentils... a new favorite dish), reading (I am blasting through Harry Potter again... I know I know, but the LAST movie is coming out soon and, as I have stated earlier, I am a re-reader. I can't help it.), knitting (I finished the sweater and have been practicing cable knitting with a scarf. It's pretty and I like it :))... but little writing, painting, drawing, or photography.
The sweater!
I did manage to pull the camera out this past weekend. Noah and I took a long weekend away in the Catskills for Memorial Day. It was our anniversary trip, a little late since I left for the British Isles the day after our anniversary last month. It was a lovely weekend away, no internet, no cell phones... just quiet... well... it would have been quiet if there hadn't been so many FROGS! It was great listening to them sing all night and all day. I didn't mind.
The cabin we stayed at had ponds and a stream, and lots of grassy areas for Tag to chase his frisbee (and his Noah). Noah read and played his banjo. I took long naps. We were all so relaxed and rested that we didn't want to leave when the time came.
The cabin
the dock
Frisbee!
Herding that pesky Noah back home
Banjo time!
Back on the home front, I've got a few things growing :) Here are some pictures of the back yard this season... cucumbers and tomatoes, wildflowers sprouting under the bird feeder, and a dragonfly. It's shaping up to be a lovely summer.
Cucumbers sprouting!
Tomatoes flowering!
Those are wildflowers under the bird feeder, not weeds!
I'm almost through building this hutch to go over my tomato plants and protect them from the pesky squirrels.
